A California-based sex therapist with more than twenty years of experience is offering straightforward advice about habits couples should avoid in the bedroom. Vanessa Marin, who frequently shares relationship guidance on social media, says these behaviors can quietly undermine intimacy and connection.
Speaking about her own marriage, she explained that a strong partnership is built on compassion, honesty, and teamwork. With that in mind, she outlined four things she believes couples should “never” do.
1. Expect only one partner to initiate intimacy.
Marin says she would never assume her husband should always make the first move. Research shows many men appreciate when their partner initiates, and many women want to initiate more often but feel held back by social expectations.
2. Pressure a partner who isn’t in the mood.
Desire naturally rises and falls from day to day. Marin emphasizes that guilt or pressure can damage trust and create distance.
3. Stay silent about needs or preferences.
Avoiding honest conversations out of fear of hurting a partner’s feelings can lead to long-term frustration. Marin encourages calm, respectful discussions and reminds couples that meaningful change takes time.
4. Respond negatively to performance issues.
Marin warns against taking a partner’s difficulties personally or reacting with blame or hurt feelings. Erectile dysfunction, for example, is extremely common, especially between ages 40 and 70. Studies show most couples are able to navigate it without harming their relationship.
Her overall message is simple: kindness, communication, and empathy are the foundation of a healthy intimate life.
