It’s the question couples whisper about but rarely ask aloud: “Are we having enough sex?”

Sex therapist Charlene Douglas says it’s one of the first questions people throw at her when they find out what she does. “Everyone leans in,” she laughed, “waiting for me to give them the number.”

According to research — and Douglas’s years of experience — most long-term couples have sex about once a week. But she’s quick to add, that’s just an average, not a rule. “Life happens,” she said. “Stress, money worries, kids, health — all of it can change your rhythm. It doesn’t mean your relationship is broken.”

She reminds couples that what really keeps intimacy alive isn’t numbers — it’s communication, trust, and kindness. “If you can talk about your needs without feeling judged or dismissed, that’s real connection,” she explained.

So maybe the secret to a healthy love life isn’t counting how often you’re together — but how honestly you connect when you are.