A sex therapist has shared four bedroom habits she says couples should avoid if they want a healthier, more supportive intimate life.
Vanessa Marin, a California-based therapist who has spent decades working in the field, said relationships improve when partners treat intimacy as a team effort. In a recent Instagram post, she explained that building a compassionate dynamic takes time — and that kindness matters just as much in the bedroom as it does outside it.
First, she warns against leaving all the initiating to one person. Marin says it shouldn’t fall to a partner just because of gender expectations. Sharing the lead can ease awkwardness and help both people feel wanted.
Second, she says never pressure your partner into sex. Being turned down can sting, especially if you’re often the one initiating, but guilt-tripping or pushing is a fast way to damage trust. Desire can change day to day, and “no” has to be respected.
Third, don’t stay silent about what you want. Marin stresses that couples should talk openly about desires, boundaries, and expectations. She suggests keeping those conversations patient and respectful — and not expecting overnight change. Research also links open sexual communication with higher satisfaction.
Finally, she says don’t take things personally when something goes wrong. If a partner has performance issues, reacting with anger, pouting, or accusations can make the situation worse. Marin’s advice is to lead with empathy, not blame, since setbacks are common and rarely about a lack of attraction.