Over half of married people admit to fantasizing about an ex, but experts say this habit could become emotionally harmful. While memories of past love can feel exciting, constantly thinking about an ex may leave you “emotionally stuck” and unable to connect with your current partner.

“Obsessing over an ex or comparing them to your current partner is a red flag,” warns relationship expert Anita Fletcher. “If ex fantasies are your only way to feel pleasure, it may be time to explore why.”

Our brains often cling to intense past experiences, especially sexual ones. That doesn’t mean you want your ex back—it just means your mind remembers those feelings. But when these thoughts interfere with your present relationship, it becomes a problem.

Fletcher suggests shifting your focus to new scenarios or fictional ideas to move forward. “Instead of feeling guilty, use those fantasies to understand what excites you. Then, share that with your partner,” she advises. If the thoughts make you feel sad or stuck, it’s worth seeking support.